Self-Love: Don't Be an A-Hole

Self-Love.

If you can't already tell from previous posts, I'm alllllll about it. I don't think you can move forward, fully reach goals, or get the most out of this one life here on Earth without it. It's a game-changer.

But.

Self-love is a hard thing. It's not only hard to learn, but it can be hard to navigate, as well.

Normally, the split comes when self-love morphs into this over-the-top, narcissistic, I'm-better-than-everyone type of attitude. It can also excuse laziness. (Spoiler alert: if you've reached this point, it's no longer really 'self-love'. It's just being an asshole.)

This random quote I found on the internet says exactly what I mean:

"Yes love yourself. But also, analyze and be critical of how you think, act, and behave. Self love without self awareness is useless. Be accountable."

So how do we navigate this?

How do we learn to like, then love ourselves, without going (or feeling like we're going) too far? How do we NOT become that asshole, but still give ourselves some grace and credit?

It's a little thing I like to call accountability.

(Again, if you've read much from me at all, you know this is another huge one for me.)

So let's say self-love is like a big ol' bag of cash.

That would be so awesome to have, right? We could get the things we want out of life with it! (Ok, not everything- but you know what I mean.) It would make reaching some goals easier. It could be spent to help others. It could be used in SO many great ways. Everyone wants it. (Seriously. Name someone who wouldn't want to stumble on some cash. You're lying.)

So we give this bag of cash to a random person. They're super pumped. Can't wait to spend it! But it's what they spend it on that will determine whether or not it was a good thing for them.

First scenario: They're too scared to spend it. They don't want to spend it unwisely, or look like they are trying to be someone they're not. So they stash it away. And they never look at it again. Turns out, they stay in the same place. Nothing changes in their life, due to fear. A wasted bag of money, I'd say.

Maybe they decide to go on a shopping spree at the mall. Or Amazon. They buy all this fancy stuff, and really strut it. They begin to brag about how great they are. They are feeling like they are better than everyone else, and in all reality, they do feel great! On top of the world! They flaunt it. They go through it quickly. In the end, they spend it all, and wish they had more. They compare themselves to the people richer than them, and end up feeling like they had less than when they started. They've lost all the friends they once had, because they now feel they are better than them. They went CRAY with the bag of money, and it felt great for awhile! But slowly they became the asshole. Suddenly the bag of money went from this really great, positive thing, to ew. That brought out the worst. Negative. Frowned upon. And still in the same place mentally and emotionally they were when they received the cash.

Now. Let's say they had a little accountability with their newfound riches.

Instead of spending it hastily on themselves alone, maybe they use it to start up that business they've always wanted to; ya know, that one that helped people in some way? Maybe they wanted to start that dog rescue, but couldn't before. With this bag of cash, now they can. Maybe they do use some to spruce up their surroundings a bit. They remodel their house. But they don't bring other people into it. They don't compare their house to the neighbors down the street. They aren't remodeling to keep up with the Joneses. They aren't trying to beat anyone. They just genuinely want to expand their living room, to enjoy it more. Boom. The bag of cash is still a positive thing. It allows them to expand themselves into places and ways to help that maybe they couldn't without it. It helps them become the best version of themselves, without hurting anyone else. They do it from a positive place. And it stays positive, and moves them forward. It's being using appropriately, and benefiting them, and those around them. They aren't an asshole.

So let's swap that bag-o-cash out for self love.

Self-love can be a high vibe or a low vibe thing. It's all in how you use it. If you use it to better yourself, and help you achieve things that maybe you couldn't without it, that's a win. If you use it to make others feel small, or as an excuse to do whatever the hell you want, that makes it a negative thing. And if you do nothing at all with it, well, you get nowhere.

You have to hold yourself accountable for using the cash appropriately.

(Rather extreme side note: I do believe strongly that we are truly in a society today that uses self-love as more of an excuse than anything. People aren't necessarily trying to put others down with it, but rather excuse mediocre and low-vibe behavior. It's turning into a version of participation trophies. 'Yeah, I didn't accomplish that goal, but it's ok, because I love myself! It's ok to come in last, because I love myself!' The reality is, it should be 'I love myself, therefore I KNOW I can accomplish that goal. I'm gonna push myself, because I'm a badass, and totally capable.' And, in the instance that goal is not achieved with that mindset, the thought process is, 'What can I learn from this to better myself next time? I'm still a badass, and I still know I can do it.' vs. 'Meh. Guess I can't do that. It's cool though. I'm cool, because I love myself.'

See the difference there?

Self-love has got to be used as a tool to propel you forward, and help you accomplish things you couldn't before. It's to be used to know you are perfect, as is, to DO the hard things!

Stagnating in the cesspool of narcissistic, good-enough-to-not-try, never-move-forward, better-than-everyone, gross excuse of a mindset is NOT self-love. It's a shield against reality, and an excuse to not be our best.

So I challenge you: Look at your own life, and where you fall. Maybe you don't have an ounce of self-esteem at all, and therefore aren't moving forward. (That was me, for YEARS!) Maybe you have so much self-love that you aren't sure what to do with it. (Try something that will make you feel alive, and serve your purpose. Make it positive, please.) Maybe you KNOW you're that asshole with no accountability that needs to take a step back and re-evaluate some things. That's ok too!

No matter where you fall in the category of self-love, you always have a chance to evolve and change. It all starts with seriously looking at your own circumstances, and being HONEST with yourself. Make the necessary changes. And hold yourself accountable while you do it. Keep moving forward. Don't be an asshole. Love yourself. That's Luxuriously Dope.