Stop It, Already.

Sabotage.

That's a pretty intense word.

It likely brings up some pretty negative vibes. As it should. Sabotage is defined as, 'Deliberately destroy, damage, or obstruct (something), especially for political or military advantage.'

Well. That is intense.

Anybody that knows me, knows that I'm not gonna go into anything politically-charged. And the most I know about the military consists of a freedom shot. But.

I do happen to know a thing or two (or three or four) about a little thing called Self-Sabotage. And it suuuuuucks. But we all do it. Or have done it. Or will do it at some point in our lives. (Unless, of course, you are an individual who has zero ambitions, or have decided for some reason you'll never have any other aspirations, or will never want to make any changes in your life ever. Then I probably don't want to hang out with you anyway.)

So. Self-Sabotage. I'm gonna define for you what I think it is- namely because I can't find a definition that doesn't include the word sabotage in it. And that's a pet peeve of mine. Thanks, Webster.

Self-sabotage is what happens when we have decided to go for something in our lives, and the only person that prevents us from reaching that goal is ourselves. We take all the steps we think we need to take, but somehow we never quite get to where we're trying to go. I could go into all the types of changes we may trying to make, but for the sake of you being able to read this blog while sitting at your desk at work, I'll spare you. It's basically any single little thing you're trying to do that deviates from your current situation- generally for the better.

When it comes to self-sabotage, it can have as many faces as that snotty girl in high school. Ya know, the one who had a different persona for every single person she came across? Yeah. It's pretty broad. And can look so different on everyone. Here are some common ones:

Procrastination. This one is super common. I am super guilty of this one. How does it play into the self-sabotage game? Well, it pretty much halts whatever progress we say we want to make. We put things off, claiming we'll start them tomorrow. Or on the perfect day. We'll get that new diet and exercise routine researched 100% so we're experts, and then get started. We'll write, and re-write, that blog post, and publish it only when it's perfect. Guess what? If we wait until we are experts, or until everything is perfect, nothing gets done. We are left with these big goals and visions, but stagnating in the exact same spot we were a year ago. Still overweight. Still blog-less.

Addiction. This one is rough. But again, super common. Addiction can be the obvious, such as drugs, alcohol, or smoking. But it can also include behaviors, like sleeping around or shopping. It's such a frowned-upon thing, this addiction business. So why the hell would anyone go down that path in the first place? Well, as I've stated in the past, change is hard and uncomfortable. Even if we're trying to change for the better, these behaviors can ease the discomfort. It gives us something else to focus on in the moment, instead of having to deal with the pressure of taking our next step forward. It's quick. It's easy. It's fun! It might be getting high instead of taking that job application in. It might be having a drink, or two or three, instead of having that chat with our friend about why we're upset. It might be taking a different person home every weekend, instead of taking the time to dig into our own personal issues and fix our own deep-seated shit. Or it could be something as simple as feeling down, and instead of doing the things we need to do to improve our mood, we grab the laptop and fill up our Sephora bag. (It's so fun though....)

Dieting/Exercising. I think this one is a little harder form of self-sabotage to see, sometimes. This is simply because dieting and exercising isn't always a bad thing. I mean, come on: It's not smoking, right? Overall, it's actually quite a positive thing! But. When these things are used to avoid, they become negative. A big example of this one? Well, me. Again. I had a lot of self-esteem issues for a lot of years. I knew that I needed to put the work in, to be able to love myself just as I am. (Ya know, personal development/book-reading/therapy type shit.) But I skirted the real issue for a long time. I tried the newest diet, or exercised way too much, thinking that if I could get my body just so, I'd like it. I'd love me. And let me tell you, when you're so focused on counting calories burned, or how many carbs you've eaten in a day, you don't have time to work on the real crap. Your time and effort is wrapped up in a goal that is physically attainable and measurable, instead of in booking that appointment with the therapist that you know would actually help more than anything. (Yes, I did do that too at one point! Highly recommend. But that's a post for another day.) So basically we fill up the time we could be spending on reaching that goal of loving ourselves with a new fad diet.

(And yes, if you know me personally, and you're thinking, 'WTF, Brittany? I happen to know you still workout all the time, and eat healthy-ish?!' Yes. Yes I do. I'm a big fan of being a healthy individual. For me, it was a change in mindset on the issue. I no longer view workouts and eating healthy as a chore so my body can be perfect; to be able to like myself. Today, I do them because they actually physically make me feel amazing. They start my day on the right foot. They get my brain going, so I can make these dope posts for you. It's as much for the mental boost as it is the physical. It's my own personal happy place. And it comes from the right place now. It's switched from self-sabotage to self-love. And holy hell, it's been the hardest and best change I've made.)

Now that we've covered the gross part, I can give you my two cents on what to do with this information. ***See disclaimer below***

First things first, if you're set in your ways, and don't care to change these behaviors, don't even try. If you don't really want to change, you won't. I'm not shaming or chastising you for this decision. Those changes are haaaaaard. But if/when you do decide, you still can.

If any of those things really kicked you in the face, you might have some changes to make. But this is going to cost you. You're going to actually have to sit down and examine what you have going on. Sounds like fun, right? Yeah, no. It's not. But ya gotta.

You can look at the behaviors I mentioned above, and see how they apply to you. Figure out WHY you have to have those 4 drinks every night. WHY you smoke. WHY you have to get that 12 miles on the treadmill every single day. Once I established the shitty behaviors I was doing, I could be more aware of them. They became a choice, versus just something that was mindlessly done in my day to day. (There's that looming power again- we take back our power by consciously making that choice. Get it.)

Another way of figuring out your own self-sabotaging behaviors might be to establish the things in your life you want to complete, and figure out why you haven't. What behaviors do you do instead? You may quickly be able to narrow it down. "Weird, I don't have my blog up yet, because my blog posts aren't perfect yet. And I can't decide on a logo that's perfect. Apparently in order to become a blogger, I need to stop procrastinating and, um... blog." Boom. Stopped the procrastination, and by default, stopped the self-sabotage. Blog: Up and going. Go me.

Both of these are ways you can examine your situation and figure out how to move forward from those self-sabotaging behaviors. The key here though, is you have to do the work. It likely won't just smack you in the face in the middle of the night. Be willing to get off of your ass, get up from your lazy chair, and do it. It will take some courage to call yourself out on your bullshit, but when you're finally becoming that person you wanted to be... it's pretty Luxuriously Dope.

***Disclaimer: I am in no way, shape or form, an expert or professional in the addiction/personal development area. Any of this, really. I am simply sharing my experiences, and what was helpful to me as I navigate through this thing called life. While most people fall under this arena, there are obviously more serious cases, that need more serious help than what I can offer in my blog. I'm not discounting this at all. I would definitely encourage you to seek professional help if you are seriously struggling. ***