True Friendships Aren't Work: My Unpopular Opinion

Recently, I've read a few different articles written on the topic of having/keeping friends during this crazy time in the hood; motherhood. I've agreed, on certain levels, with some. Others, not so much.

(Important note to consider: From here forward, I'm going to go ahead and say that I don't differentiate between a 'mom' friendship, and a 'regular' friendship. As far as I'm concerned, the same things apply, regardless of tiny humans, or lack thereof.)

Popular opinion: Friendships are work.

I disagree.

If you truly are friends with someone, it shouldn't be work to be with them. It should be easy. We have enough to focus on in this time of life (like, ya know working at our actual jobs.. raising kids... spouses... keeping our lives together.... whatever your situation) that a friendship shouldn't be work. It should be a breath of fresh air from the list of work we already have. I refuse to add 'work on keeping friend not pissed off for being M.I.A.' to my list of everyday tasks.

I need a friend who understands this, and doesn't get all pouty and crappy at me if I can't attend every little thing. A friend who doesn't take it personally when I don't get back to their text in .54 seconds. (Some of my very best friends in this life are the ones who text me back literally 4 days later. And vice versa. I love you.)

I want to be able to run into you on the street and be like, "Hey girl! We should totally get together for wine sometime soon!" And mean it. But we both know it will likely be, like, 10-15 business days before this is even a thing. And it's cool.

I want to be able to have missed whatever get-together we were gonna try to do, and not feel super weird and guilty when I see you at the coffee shop.

I need my friends to know, that sometimes I'm a bit of an introvert, and tired, and just don't have the energy or want to get out! It's rare, but sometimes I just want to stay home, dammit! And I want to have that friend who laughs at me, maybe even makes fun of me a bit for being lame, and then moves on.

Basically, in a nutshell, I don't deal with girl drama friendships- because THAT is work. I think friendship should be pure and unselfish. Part of that is not taking offense at things that literally have nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me. (I'm busy, dammit! Love you, but no.)

We have enough on our plates, without having to worry about who might be mad at us for not calling them back. I don't want to try and determine whether my absence (or even attendance!) at some event will piss somebody off. Because, sadly, that is absolutely a thing for a lot of people- especially in a small town like this. I see it alllllll the time. (Yep, you read that right. In grown-ass adults. I can't even....)

I've had to cut people off in my life before, because I just couldn't deal with the baggage that came with being friends with them. It can be one of the hardest things ever, but my mental health just isn't something I'm willing to sacrifice to keep a 'friend'.

I want to be able to see your pretty little face and just be happy! If I have to overthink it, we probably aren't the best of friends.

And don't play the 'but it IS work to keep in contact/keep a connection with even the real friends' card with me. Because when I do consider someone a true friend, I can always keep the friendship going. Willingly. Even at a snail's pace. But I do. Because I WANT to. I don't consider that text or wine night work.

(An important note: I'm nice to literally everyone. I'm not saying be a dick to people you aren't friends with. I'm saying you don't have any obligation to keep in touch with acquaintances. Just be a nice person, and save precious hang-out time for the real ones.)

I have a handful of these wonderful, amazing, non-drama, pure love people in my life. And while it may look 'cliquey' to outsiders, it's actually just super great people that click. These girls spark pure happy when I see them, or when I see their name pop up on my phone. They invite me to stuff, and I mostly go. Sometimes I don't. But it doesn't matter, because the love is there. There's no overthinking. There's no drama. No work. Only love.

Bottom line? If someone's dopeness matches your dopeness, then you're likely already friends. And that's that. Be so thankful for the good ones in your life, because a real, pure friendship not only ISN'T work; it's Luxuriously Dope.