It’s All Hard, Sweetie

Raise your hand if you’ve ever been in search of the perfect life.

You know- the one we see on our social media, and decide that that is the goal?

And then we’re in constant pursuit of self-improvement in the name of feeling all sunshine and rainbows all the time? 

We want our inside to feel exactly as pretty and awe-inspiring as that perfectly curated ig page, dammit! 

We are searching for that sense of fulfillment, happiness, and fun… often times by gauging how fulfilling, happy, and fun our day is. 

‘That girl doesn’t have any problems or hard things happening to her, so I must be failing if I do!’

We are measuring our success (or lack thereof) on a feeling of happy. 

And I’ll be the first to tell you- that’s a horrible measure. 

Ok cool, positivity queen Brit. What are we supposed to do? Walk around all pissed off, sad, and stuck? Is that a better measure?

Well no. But sorta. 

What if we flipped the script?

What if we decided to use a scale of hard, instead of happy? Let me explain. (This is also the time to give credit where credit is due. I learned this idea from the book, ‘The Subtle Art of Not Giving a. F*ck’ by Mark Manson. Check it out for a better, more in depth explanation. This is just how I analyzed it.) 

Your search for a better life will include things you don’t always want to do, because they’re HARD. 

But we get to choose our hard, and it’s different for everyone. 

The hard of getting up early to workout, or the hard of anxiety, lowered confidence, no energy, and not liking what you see in the mirror.  (Not to mention, for me personally- my back pain from years of shitty posture behind the chair. 😩)

The hard of sharing your thoughts, experiences, and secrets with a therapist, or the hard of keeping it all bottled up inside, constantly questioning and dragging yourself down. (And specifically for me- being vulnerable. Gross. But I choose that hard/gross over being sad.)

The hard of cutting off that old friendship that’s no longer serving you, or the hard of continuing to deal with the same old drama, day in and day out.

The hard of quitting drinking, or the hard of knowing you’re hurting yourself and those around you. 

This one’s specific to my fellow people- pleasers: The hard of disappointing someone else by telling them no, or the hard of the resentment you feel when you don’t. Some might even call it setting a boundary. There’s that therapy again. 😂 (In my world, it can look like overbooking myself with hair appointments to accommodate everyone’s needs, and then getting burned out and not loving my job like I once did.)

The hard of leaving an unhappy marriage or relationship, or the hard of learning ways to cope while you stay. 

Literally any choice you have to make in life (even in the pursuit of a happier or easier life!)  can be rendered down to the pain and hard that comes with each choice. And the beauty of being human is that we get to decide which hard we prefer. 

And there’s no right or wrong here- just whatever is true for you at that moment.

I’m not saying that it won’t be difficult.

I’m not saying that sometimes all the choices don’t absolutely suck.

But I am saying that in order to live a life that’s ultimately more fulfilling, authentic, and sometimes just more fun…. You have to start with choosing your hard. 

Because a fulfilling, authentic, and fun life? That’s Luxuriously Dope. 🖤