Nice Girls: We Finish Last, Too.

Why is it ok that I’m the one they disappoint?

When it comes down to disappointing me or the other person… it’s usually me?

I get shit on.

I get the short end.

I try so hard to be nice to everyone. To not rock the boat. To be likeable.

And what does that get me?

Disappointment.

Because it’s safer to upset me.

Because it’s easier.

Because there’s no consequence- I’ll still love them and not make their lives harder, regardless.

Because I know where they’re coming from, so I see that and have empathy, instead of making it about me.

Because they have enough on their plate- the last thing they need is me making their life harder.

They’ll still love me after all of this, because I gave them grace and said, ‘It’s ok. I understand.’

Only to be let down and sad again, wondering if they’ll ever choose me.

The hardest lesson I’ve learned- and it’s good and bad- is that they’ll continue to not choose me.

They’ll always choose the path of least resistance. And resistance will never be me. Because I’d always rather be the person in pain than the person causing pain.

So really it’s my own fault.

And what a hard thing it is, to be the very reason for your own suffering.

Maybe someday I’ll put my feelings before everyone else’s, and let them know when they’ve hurt me.

But for now, I’ll keep smiling and saying, ‘It’s ok’, even when it’s not.

Because in the end, I was there for them- regardless.

And just maybe… just maybe… they’ll eventually  remember that.

Because loyalty and being there for the people you love, while learning to also put yourself on that list…. is still Luxuriously Dope. 🖤